Getting to the truth is essential. The use-case in investigations is self-evident. In assessments, training, strategy-setting, and developing content (or anything else), it helps to know what people actually think. We don’t tell the truth for many reasons – from benign and well-intentioned omissions or white lies to deliberate and destructive deception.
Many tools and tactics exist to discover lies (or, more accurately, establish the truth). Today, let’s start with what’s happening in our heads when we lie. Four things, typically.
🤥 Lying about thinking – “What are you thinking about?” “Nothing…”
🤥 Thinking about lying – “Did you enjoy dinner?” “[The hummus represents a scientific development – an organic industrial sealant or grout] Err, yeah, it was lovely.”
🤥 Lying about feelings – “Are you okay?” “Yup, fine.”
🤥 Feeling about lying – “You look worried; what’s wrong?” “[I should have said something about the hummus, he’s making it again 😖]. Just tired, lost my appetite.”
We don’t broadcast which blend of thinking/feeling we’re experiencing, but if you’re looking to get to the truth, it helps to consider. Why? Because incongruence – a deviation from a person’s baseline behaviours – needs context. Some brief examples using the frames above.
😬 Lying about thinking – If someone’s saying they’re not thinking about anything, but their brows are furrowed, they’re fidgeting, eyes darting or head moving, does that add up? Maybe, if that’s their baseline (certain medical conditions, high anxiety, etc.). But for most of us, that doesn’t track.
😬 Thinking about lying – Dealing with kids on this one can be funny. I can almost see the wheels in my son’s head turning as he concocts a fiction. As we mature, we get better at hiding this. Many of us will use deflection or stalling tactics. For instance, repeating a simple question and deflecting, “Did I enjoy dinner… Did you?” There is no Pinocchio’s nose (one universal indicator of deception), but someone who usually converses openly and then starts stalling or deflecting is interesting.
😬 Lying about feelings – Here, we need to do some work. Emotions are the hardest to conceal. We leak them across many channels – face, body language, physiology (sweating, dry mouth, blushing, etc.), what we say, how we say it, and pitch/tone. The tricky bit is spotting this in real-time (possible with some dedicated training) and recognising that emotions are complex. If you ask me about some of my funniest memories, they will involve my dear-departed dog. You will (most likely) see flickers of sadness and anger interspersed with happy and fond memories. Emotions are fleeting and connected. We need to follow up on emotional observations with good questions.
😬 Feeling about lying – Do we understand the context? Is this an adversarial conversation? Might they want to “get one up” on you? Are they likely feeling ashamed or sad? We must avoid “me theory” (I wouldn’t react like that). We’re looking for incongruence between what’s said and the emotions displayed.
Next time you’re truth-seeking, think about what might be happening in the other person’s brain. We’re not mind-reading, but that exercise alone forces us into a space where we’re more likely to connect, engage, and gather helpful information.