Server or surgeon?
Depending on where you are in the world, you can tell a server how you’d like your food. There are some vagaries. I’m in awe of many Stateside servers who confidently absorb a barrage of requests, edicts, or broader pronouncements. “Hold this, on the side for that, was the oil cold-pressed? Did the animal receive its last rites from a Reiki Master?”

Don’t try that many other places (e.g., France) – the dish is the ******* dish.

In a business setting, many of us are conditioned like American servers. The customer is ALWAYS right. That attitude is taken into in-house roles. Decrees from the board (or whomever you report to) are to be enacted. Bollocks.

The customer is not always correct. You’re the expert. If you’re head of risk, compliance, or something else important, you’re there for a reason. Enter the surgeon.

Not many of us would specify to the surgeon which scalpel they use for the life-saving brain surgery or if they could instead incise from left to right. We cede our right to control when we recognise the expertise of another.

If you’re wondering, “But how do I get colleagues to see the distinction?” Good question. Treat them like a kid – give them options. My dentist recently did this to me when they recommended a treatment, and I asked about the options:

👉 Option A: You lead. Present a reality where they have to do MUCH more heavy lifting than they imagined and include all the bits they won’t know how to do. The outcome is uncertain; they take on considerable risk, which could be costly.

🦷 In the dentist’s example, “You live with it, follow this regimen, and hope for the best, but if the situation deteriorates, it’ll likely be much worse than intervening now with long-term complications.”

👉 Option B: Work together. An outcome you can live with but involves them and their input in controlled areas. It won’t “make their pain go away” like Option C, and they will have to live with some risk (for them personally/professionally).

🦷 We do some exploratory stuff. It might work, but it might also highlight a need for Option C, so you’d have to pay for Option B and C.

👉 Option C: Let me help you with that. You take charge. There might be some pain/cost (list resources required), but in the end, you will have a robust and longstanding solution, so you can stop worrying.

🦷 Short-term pain, long-term solution. It is more costly and brutal than Option B, but statistically WAY better outcomes and longevity than that option.

If your colleagues see you as a server, help them see the folly – hopefully, this will make your life less painful than pulling teeth 😬.