One of the tactics used in high-stakes negotiations (kidnap, extortion, etc.) is to make the hostage-taker’s demands their problem. [I find it also works with the kids.] For instance:

🔫 “I want $10m in small denomination notes and a helicopter out of here.”
👧🏻 “Sophia messaged me, and we agreed we’d hang out this weekend.”

In both cases, there is implied work on the part of the person receiving the demand or fait accompli. With the hostage taker, we might ask questions about what sort of bills exactly. With the helicopter, we could explain how challenging that is (pilots, landing zones, flightpaths in a city, etc.) and when they (invariably) say, “That’s your problem,” we can respond plaintively, asking, “Work with me here, how can we make this happen?”

With pre-teens expecting Dad Uber on call (plus funding for excursions), the tactic is similar, but the leverage is greater. “Sounds great, what time, what’s the plan, got enough money or do you need to do more of your pocket money chores? etc.”

Making what they want to be your issue to solve into something they need to think about changes the dynamic (for the better).

We can repurpose the tactic – with layers of politeness and deference – to achieve better risk outcomes. We could tell people how to manage challenging stakeholders, gifts & hospitality issues, or whatever challenges people bring to you. That approach – where we solve stuff – can breed resentment, (over-)dependence, infantilisation, and create bottlenecks.

If we make it their problem, we’re actually giving people agency. More importantly, we’re involving them in learning. You’ve heard the Benjamin Franklin quote, “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” When we are involved in solving problems (which is risk management’s essence), we learn.

👉 “How should we respond to [the unreasonable/unethical demand]?”
👉 “What do you think is ‘appropriate’ [in this hospitality scenario]?”

The tactic doesn’t need to be reactive. We can create training and simulations to solve realistic problems for the audience. Crisis simulations remain THE BEST way to enhance risk and compliance learning, in my experience at least. Besides, it’s fun!