In a no way that is helpful

“In no way is that helpful” is a common English complaint. But we can be helpful in (a) no way.

Once, I stumbled upon a parenting book that shared, ‘Even if it takes longer, allowing your child to tie their shoelaces paves the way for better coordination and mastery, skills they’ll never acquire if you keep tying them.’ I wonder if the author had ever been in a rush to get children to school. Yet, the underlying truth of the statement was undeniable.

In a work setting, I regularly see in-house risk, ethics, and compliance professionals asked to tie shoelaces. “Can I take this client out for a coffee? I can’t find the training. Can I onboard this supplier [with more red flags than a North Korean parade]?”

There’s a good reason for this infantilisation. When we tell people what to do, they never have to practice and learn skills themselves. In an earlier newsletter, we discussed hats, haircuts, and tattoos in the context of decision-making; a sartorially questionable hat is easy to change, a bad haircut we can live with and learn from, but a bad tattoo can leave more of a mark (pun intended). So, if you find people asking you about hats and haircuts, could you try:

💡 What do you think would be best?

💡 What would you say if you were me?

💡 What are the options/potential outcomes here?

💡 What information would I need to answer that?

💡 Talk me through your thinking on this.

On text or email, this could appear snarky. So it’s best done with a smile face-to-face. However, most people will understand that the majority of hat and haircut decisions should be within their grasp. As the image above illustrates, we’re unlikely to recall information we don’t practice. And learning really starts when we teach.

How do you prepare for “do it yourself or work it out on your own” conversations?